also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
