I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My vagina just recognized that song.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
