There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
