to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
