I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
