yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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