I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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