so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
