Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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