Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Girls should come with a carfax report
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
