I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
