there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
