Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
