Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
