I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
