margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
