There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
