You smell like stripper and shame
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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