I faked an abortion last night.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
