We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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