My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
