either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
