Life is so much better after having sex.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
