I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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