He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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