got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
