So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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