That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
