I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
