Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
