You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
