do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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