Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
