I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
