i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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