careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
