why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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