I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
