were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
