so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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