I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
