now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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