Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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