discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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