dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
