There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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