That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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