Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
