me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
