woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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