Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
