She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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