I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
