I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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