Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
