Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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