please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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