sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
