I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
